The last couple months of life have not been going exactly as I have planned. Work, school, studying, and every other part of life has seemed completely exhausting. On top of that, I have seemed to be in a spiritual slump. Normally, I am the exact opposite. At the beginning of this slump, it was just every so often, noticing that I was not as happy as I normally was. Then it moved to from being an every once in a while occurrence to a problem. The last week or so, it has been unbearable. I had still been reading every day and saying prayers constantly, but my heart was not in it. I was angry and upset. I had doubts on doubts on doubts. I really had changed into this person that was not me, and I finally reached the point of it not being acceptable any more. Previously, I had prayed that what I wanted to happen would happen, at this second, in my timing. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. As the answers didn't come, I got more upset as time passed. Eventually I was led to my breaking point (this week). I decided to take a different approach.
This trial was happening whether I liked it or not. From this point, it was up to me how I was going to handle it. Was I going to be miserable the whole time, or was I going to enjoy life and let my trials build me up instead of break me down? On Friday I decided to try and change my attitude. I hadn't completely succeeded, but I was trying. I prayed for patience through this trial, strength to get through it, and to be my normal happy self while living in it. Saturday, about the same. Trying, but still little success. Saturday night, an unexpected twist happened.
Last summer I went to a camp and met a 16 year old kid who has muscular dystrophy. He had every reason in the world to be bitter, angry, upset, but he was the exact opposite. I have never felt the spirit so strongly as I did when I was around him. He was just a light of hope and you could feel his faith radiating out of him. He was a shy kid, so he didn't talk a ton, but it was just in his countenance. Saturday night that's all that I could think about. How could I be so upset when my life is still amazing besides this one tiny trial, and never once have I heard this kid complain? How could I be so ungrateful when I have so many other amazing things happening in my life? Right then, I realized I needed some changes in my outlook.
Luckily today was a fast Sunday. Again, I tried to stick with the same mindset that I decided, so I asked for some serious strength in that. Church was absolutely amazing today. Fast and testimony meeting was incredible and Sunday School was an answer to my prayers. Earlier that morning I saw a post on Instagram that Al (Fox) Carraway was giving a fireside. I absolutely love all of her blogs, and I really wanted to go. Immediately I had thoughts that I should stay home and stick around and so clearly was the thought, "You need to go." Right then, I knew that I was going. I went to the fireside and it was one of the top five most spiritual experiences I have ever had. I felt as if Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were right there speaking directly to me. There was just so much power in the words she said, and I felt like every single part of it was guidance for how I was supposed to handle my situation.
Life gets hard, but the Savior is always on our side. All we have to do is try. We are not perfect, but if we are trying, Christ has made up the rest for us. Sometimes it is not easy, and we hardly ever know immediately why we are doing what the Lord has asked us to do. Our faith has to be solid in Him, and we have to know and believe that we will be taken care of as long as we are trying. Be grateful for the situation you are in because God trusts you enough to put you through it, and we only go through trials to make us stronger and to make us better people. We are not placed with trials to tear us down or to make us upset or unhappy, but only to build us up and help us reach our potential. James 1 verse 2 says, "Count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions." They are opportunities to grow closer to God, and opportunities to become more like God. Turn towards Him instead of away from him. Enjoy the journey, it's what leads you to the destination.
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